Temp Article

Learn How to Easily Read Your Man

Tom Kerr

Why It's the Little Things that Can Help Show You the Big Picture

Paying attention to the subtle clues that are the keys to unlock your understanding of your date’s real personality is especially easy – and important – on the very first date. A man will generally try to put his best foot forward, rather than putting his foot in his mouth, to make an attractive initial impression.

This doesn’t help you to get to know the character of the man underneath the mask, and sometimes you don’t find out the really creepy stuff until later on in your relationship.

But reading between the lines, before you end up between the sheets, is an easy thing to do if you know how to look for cues and signals. These signs are especially important to look for on your first date, because if they show up while a man is on his best behavior, then that means they are the behaviors he finds almost impossible to repress or control. They will be there for a while, and if they are attractive, your reading of your man may be cause for celebration; you may have found the man of your dreams.

I once overheard a conversation in a restaurant kitchen, as a chef instructed a novice cook: “If you want to know how the pot of rice is cooked, just take out one little grain and test it. The way it is cooked will automatically tell you how every grain in the pot is cooked. If it’s hard, the rice needs more time. If it’s soggy, there is too much water. If it’s just right, your whole pot of rice is perfect.” This example works for people, too. If you test one aspect of their behavior in one situation, you can learn about how they will react in other situations.

Seeing the Big Picture

There are many kinds of behavior to study when observing a man on a first date, and you will soon learn to pick these out for yourself, once you get into the habit of seeing the big picture by looking at the details. Here are some examples to help you get your head around the concept:

A man comes to pick you up for a prearranged date, and he arrives 20 minutes late, with no good excuse for keeping you waiting around unnecessarily. What does this tell you? Do you think he is reliable, and do you think he has discipline and is a good listener and communicator? (answer: NOT!)

Avoid the Road Ragers

If you get into a car with a fellow, and he exhibits signs of “road rage”, by cursing and honking at cars around him, beating on the steering wheel, and basically getting all worked up over basic traffic hassles that are not life-threatening, beware. You are probably dealing with a man who cannot control his anger, and gets upset over those simple problems in life that most people learn to tolerate.

It might be a good idea to get out of the car and take a taxi home, and forget this guy. In some cities, it is a crime to engage in behavior construed as “road rage”, because drivers who are too uptight are downright dangerous.

When you get to a restaurant together, watch carefully how your date behaves, because the way he deals with the server will indicate how he will deal with you someday. If he is making a sweet impression on you, but is demanding, neglectful, or disrespectful toward the server, this is a big clue that the fellow is probably impolite when dealing with most people.

If your server is an attractive woman, you are in the best seat in the house to watch for character clues. Does your man eye her up and down, as if she was the dessert, instead of paying attention to you? Is he bossy, or flirtatious with her, and does he leave an appropriate tip, for good service rendered during the meal? The writing is on the wall, and all you have to do is jot down a few notes to figure out the whole biographical sketch of a guy in this kind of situation.

Fortunately, good signs are usually just as easy to read. By observing the peripheral clues to the inner personality and character of your date, you may discover that he is generous, calm and controlled, assertive without being rude, respectful and flattering without being a hopeless flirt, and that he has compassion for other people and a genuine attraction to you in particular.

You may, in fact, discover that reading him is better than curling up with a good book when you crawl into bed at night. But we will leave that final chapter of the twisting plot of your new romance novel for you to write (or co-write, as the case may be!).