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What His Appetite Says About His Coital Aptitude

Holly Bentz

Discover 10 consumption habits and what they may mean about his appetite under the sheets and brush up on your dating-friendly dining etiquette.

The expression “you are what you eat” exceeds what one consumes. Let’s take fries as an example, just because they’re fattening does not mean the consumer is morbidly obese. Some people drown their pomme frites in condiments. Others like to dabble. It is all a matter of their style. The way certain men dine – says a lot about who they are and how they may perform.

Fish out of Water

Since Ethan was my first subject study of eating and sexual performance, I’ll start with him. Ethan drank and consumed food just like a fish. Fish are known for drinking water but their appetites are not very large. Every time we went to dinner, I would eat more than my man.

Dripping wet, I weighed in at 93 pounds and my beau was only 145 at 6’1". Although, my friends and family referred to him as a skeleton or a concentration camp refugee, I did not see Ethan that way. At first it did not bother me. Then, I started feeling like la petite couchon.

One day, I asked him – “What’s wrong?” He acknowledged that the food felt lodged in his esophagus. The same could be said of his sexual mood. As long as drinks were involved – everything was a go. Minus the alcohol, he was a fish out of water. Although the fish out of water is a rare breed, they’re not bad – just don’t hope for anything long term.

It was not until I had dated several men (over 100) that I began to see a clear pattern between men and their eating habits.

Here are a few more eating habits that may reveal his sexual aptitude:


The gent who takes his time on and around the plate is the overachiever. The meticulous consumer aims to please. In and out of the bedroom, he strives for perfection. He’ll try to delay his expulsion until his maiden is gasping breathlessly.

The Marathon Man

In the realm of food, he’s not picky. The ultimate goal is to get the food down in record speed to move on to his next designated goal. The marathon man is quite engulfed in his stamina and endurance. Sometimes, he gets so carried away that he fails to realize that his object of coital affection is dry and chafed.

Leftover Lover

This guy does not have a problem eating a stranger’s remaining vittles. Since, his standards of consumption are low, he won’t mind sloppy seconds. He’s not really concerned about monogamy – after all he will take what he can get.

The Public Eater

For the dude that likes to eat on the run (walking or in his car), he may have exhibitionism on the brain. Be prepared for some mobile maneuvers.


The finicky eater may demonstrate a little inhibition. If he has a list of foods that he is unable to consume, chances are he may have an allergic aversion in the orally stimulating department.

Fast Food Gobbler

The fast food addict may not have enough appetite for sex. In the American documentary, “Super Size Me,” writer, Morgan Spurlock tested the bounds of eating McDonald’s for a month. As he grew fatter, he experienced a loss of his libido. Don’t expect great pleasure from this Fast Food Gobbler.

Sloppy Joe

If you see food spewing out of his mouth at the dinner table, expect extra saliva during the kiss. Sloppy Joe has not figured out that he has overly active saliva glands.

The One Gulp, Barbarian

He’s the type of guy that inhales his food. There is not much chewing or exploring the flavors on his palette. Behind the scenes, he will overlook meeting your pleasuring quota. Since, he’s all about immediate gratification; he tends to overlook all of a gal’s redeeming qualities.

Finger Lickin’ Good

If it was socially acceptable, this guy would lick his plate clean, in public. He’s not done, until all tableware is free of crumbs. Mr. Finger Lickin’ Good will please most of the ladies. Besides, he enjoys eating e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

Dinner Dating Etiquette Basics

Before you deconstruct his epicurean appetite, use the following tips to depict your eating etiquette:

Place orders with simplicity. Regardless, of how much you love messy foods divert the temptation. Entrees such as spaghetti, lobster, corn on the cob, barbeque, and other foods that have a propensity for creating a muddle should not be ordered.

Please pass the salt and pepper. Never ever give your plate a shake of salt or pepper before making the pass. Even if your date only requests the pepper, hand over the salt, as well. It is apropos to deliver the salt and pepper shakers together. Good etiquette deems salt and pepper as a united pair. Once your date has finished using the seasonings, request them back for your use.

Consume gingerly. When the appetizers arrive, don’t pounce at the food. Since, the meal is part of the date, take your time. Take breaks between mouthfuls, by placing the silverware on the right side of the plate. Place the knife between one and three o’clock on the plate.

Replicate pacing. Pay attention to the rate at which your date is eating. Avoid eating too fast or slow by matching his consumption pace.

Cut the next morsel. It is inappropriate to pre-slice an entire meal. Cut the next bite of the cuisine. It enables communication when utensils are switched. The interspersed cutting allows for conversation and breaks for eating.

After the meal, don’t forget to visit the water closet to check for food entrapped between your teeth. A little etiquette and attentive analysis can make for a scrumptious dinner date.