The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Gary Chapman

In ‘The Five Love Languages’, author Gary Chapman reduces the age-old conundrum of romantic relations between the sexes to a simple and quite accessible metaphor: the ‘love tank’.

In his guide, Chapman identifies five distinct languages by which the heart communicates: ‘words of affirmation’, ‘quality time’, ‘gifts’, ‘acts of service’, and ‘physical touch’.  He purports that every person ‘speaks’ primarily in one of these ‘languages’, which means that they recognize gestures of this subcategory as gestures of love more easily than those spoken in a different love ‘tongue’.

For instance, if a man expresses love through ‘physical touch’, he may show his love for his partner through physical intimacy.  If his partner communicates love in the same manner, she will understand this intimacy as an expression of love and therefore her ‘love tank’ will be full.  However, if she is inclined towards words of affirmation, she will not feel love but frustration, and ultimately emotionally neglected.  Inevitably, if these language barriers, so to speak, are not recognized and reconciled, relationship turmoil will ensue and her ‘love tank’ will run dry.

Chapman provides the necessary means to identify your partner’s spoken ‘language’, and allows that certain people may respond to more than one language and even to all languages equally.

While it seems intuitive that pleasing your partner is a matter of identifying their likes and dislikes, the book is a Rosetta stone for those who struggle with the subtleties of romantic linguistics.